Object Permanence

Last night while we were hanging out in the lounge, "studying" (aka, sharing stupid YouTube videos, updating Facebook/blogs, maybe doing homework) as usual, someone mentioned,

"We're already halfway done."

My gut reaction was to let out an anguished yell, so I did.  I also requested, in a slightly panicked, manic manner, that they please, please not talk about it anymore.

Anyway, the general idea I'm trying to convey is: My time here is short, and hitting a milestone (like midterms) is a brutal awakening to that fact.

I've visited some pretty cool places, like Kyoto's Kiyomizudera, Shinsaibashi and Peace Osaka, Hiroshima, and Kanazawa...but there are still tons of other cities and sights I wanna see.
I've been doing okay in Japanese class, covering the material, and using Japanese every day...but I'm still far from comfortably conversing and conveying my ideas satisfactorily.  Not to mention, my kanji = crap.
I fall asleep exhausted every night, spend plenty of time with people instead of hermit-ing in my room (like right now, hahahaha)...but it still seems like there's so much more I should be doing.

In a way, here and now is all there is--at least, that's how part of me wants it to be.  Just live in the moment, laugh and have your fun while can, don't worry about tomorrow.

Another part recognizes, very practically, that there's a lot waiting for me when I fly home--family, friends, fellowship.  Every moment spent on things-not-here-and-now is a moment invested in the future.  Those things don't cease to exist because I'm not there, obviously, but when they're so far away...it's almost easier if they don't.  Like a baby playing peek-a-boo, if I cover my eyes, they're gone.  If they aren't there, it's easier not to miss them, easier not to keep in contact, easier to live in the now..

But that kind of thinking is meaningless and immature.

I do miss everybody back home, want to know what's going on in their lives, even as I am thousands of miles away, occupied in far too many ways.  It's hard, truly difficult for me to stay in touch with people over long distances--it's a serious character flaw, or something.  But I'll do best I can....and when I alone am not enough, pray to God for the strength to go on.  Remembering that as a Christian, my life is centered on God and lived within the context of eternity, there is much, much more than just here and now.

I will treasure everything that happens here, that I learn here, that I find here, but I must also continue to keep close to my heart those that sometimes seem so far away.

Thursday, October 14, 2010 @ 9:51 PM